Did well today...

Finally, I did pretty well today. I ate healthy and stayed within calorie limits. And no junk food. Yeah! I was severely tempted, but I was too lazy to go out and get in the car and go to the store to get something to eat because my car is parked about a quarter of a mile away from my dorm. I didn't feel like walking out there. Plus, I was pretty tired, so I just took a nap instead. Once I woke up from my nap, I didn't want to eat anymore. If I can hold out long enough, the urge to eat junk does go away.

Okay, back to studying. My anatomy and physiology final exam is on Monday.

Confessions...

I have a confession to make. I've been putting off writing on my blog because I did not do well last week. I'm now forcing myself to admit it. Monday and Tuesday I felt like I did good, but I didn't eat nearly enough (only about half of what I should have eaten), so by Wednesday I was ravenous even though I hadn't felt hungry on Monday or Tuesday and I ate too much. Then since then I've just been eating all kinds of crap. I know you guys are probably tired of hearing me whine about not doing good. I didn't want to write this because I don't want you to think, "Oh gosh, there she goes again. She's not going to last for long with CRON." I really want to do it because I know how good I feel and I'm excited about life and I want to be here a long time because there's so much I want to do to help people. The addictions to sugar and fat and salt are just so strong sometimes. I'm really frustrated with myself because I feel like a failure. I KNOW food won't make me happy and I'll just feel depressed after I eat it, so why do I do it? I don't understand, but it's got to come to a stop. I wish we were made so that we didn't eat. Then life would be so much easier.

Went to the doctor

I went to the doctor today and he did not feel any superficial swollen lymph nodes. He said the deep ones may be swollen. I told him it feels really swollen and achey and sensitive. He prescribed a CAT scan for me so we can see what's going on, but he really does not think it's anything serious. Now I just have to find a place that will accept my insurance (I have insurance through my school and every place I've called doesn't accept it).

Having so much fun...

I love my digital scale. I'm having such a great time with it, though it does take me a lot longer to eat now. Yesterday afternoon, it took me an hour to prepare and weigh my food and eat it!!! I'm still stuck on the collard wraps. When I find a food I really like I tend to eat it as a major part of my diet for a long time. It's like I get on a kick. Last summer I got on a fig kick and I was eating them for dinner every night!

My inguinal lymph nodes have been really swollen the past week and a half. My groin area was hurting before that, but then it got worse. It all started in January, when I went out and ran 4 miles after not having run for months. I started having groin pain on the right side and I figured it would go away. It got somewhat better, but it never completely went away. Then last week, when I strayed from CRON and ate a bunch of junk food, it got worse and now my lymph nodes are really swollen. It's not that painful for the most part, but sometimes it does hurt a little when I walk or run. It's preventing me from running in the mornings because running irritates it so much. So basically the only exercise I can do is swimming and rebounding (they seem to help). In the mornings, it feels pretty good, but in the evenings, it really bothers me and last night, it wasn't just my groin area, but it was radiating down my leg and around my hip into my lower back. That makes me wonder if it's something more than just swollen lymph nodes. Anyhow, I hope it disappears soon. I keep thinking of going to the doctor, but then the next morning I feel better (it doesn't hurt in the morning) and I decide not to go to the doctor. Maybe I should just go, but I don't want to have to pay a whole bunch of money to get tests or whatever they want to do. Anyhow....I guess that's all for now. I have a bunch of homework I need to work on.

Finally...

I finally got the digital kitchen scale I wanted. I had so much fun measuring my food and putting it into Cron-O-Meter today. And finally, I'm back on a really good track.
Today I had:
Breakfast: nothing-not hungry
Lunch: salad (spinach, mushrooms, banana pepper rings, carrots, 1/2 cup kidney beans, 1/2 cup garbanzo beans)
Dinner: 2 collard wraps (collard leaves stuffed with hummus, alfalfa sprouts, onion, carrot, sugar snap peas, cauliflower, canned artichokes, ground flaxseed, and salsa)

Wow! The collard wraps were so delicious! It's my new favorite CRON meal. I love being creative and making up new recipes.

I have been in such a wonderful mood today. I feel so happy and positive. Life is great! Oh, yeah and my mom started doing CRON today, so that's good news.

Don't let them take away our freedom...

Your option to choose alternatives to main stream medicine may be taken away!!!
Please take time to sign and forward this important message to the FDA. Thanks!!! There is a crisis in health freedom. On April 30, 2007 the FDA will close the public comment period on a "Guidance" which will classify every alternative practice as medicine so that only licensed physicians can carry out the procedure AND vitamins, minerals, herbs, etc., will suddenly become "untested drugs" which will be forbidden. Bad? Real Bad! But public outcry can stop this assault on your health and your freedom. Spread the word! Tell everyone in your Circle of Influence, professionals, alternative practitioners, nutrient and herb companies, everyone! Let them know how important their participation is to make sure the FDA backs off from this repressive course.

Please sign the petition and share this link with them and urge them to take action: http://www.tinyurl.com/2u7ghc Yours in health and freedom, Rima E. Laibow, MD Medical Director Natural Solutions Foundation www.HealthFreedomUSA.org
- Gisela Hoffman

I did it!!!!!!!!!

I got myself back on track with CRON yesterday. I'm so excited. I didn't end up fasting. I was going to, but then around lunch time, my blood sugar started to drop and I was thinking, "Hmmm...I have some chips and some vegan cheese I could eat." Then I thought, "No, that's junk food. I'm not going to eat that." So I went to the cafeteria and got some fruit and a salad. I'm so glad I did it and finally got back on track. The first day is the hardest. It should be easy from here.

Having a hard time

I've been having a hard time since I got off track on Monday. I keep resolving to do well, then I seem to give up and say, "Oh, I'll start back on tomorrow. Just one more day." All I've been wanting to do is eat junk food. I'm so frustrated about it. Part of the problem is that I'm a perfectionist and I'm an all-or-nothing person. So what happens is that if I eat something that I consider to be less than ideal, even if it's not a huge deal, then I tend to get all discouraged and totally give up. For example, today I ate salad dressing on my salad at lunch and I felt like I failed because the salad dressing was sugary and fattening. So I thought to myself, "Well, I already failed today, so I guess I might as well go ahead and eat whatever I want the rest of the day." So I end up eating more than I need when if I had just gotten over the salad dressing and been good, I would have still stayed within my calorie limits in spite of the salad dressing. I don't know why I have to be so all-or-nothing. I hate it. I hate the way I feel physically when I'm being so bad and I love the way I feel when I'm doing CRON. I love that light, thin feeling. I'm so much happier when I'm doing CRON and I know that food does not make me happy, but when I let myself indulge once, then I get the taste of sugar and bad food back on my tongue and it's an addictive thing. I get to where I HAVE to have it and I get so desperate. Then after I eat it, I'm so mad at myself and I resolve that I must fast the next day, then the next day comes and I don't feel like fasting anymore, so I eat. Then I feel guilty for eating because I was supposed to fast and I feel like I blew it, so the cycle starts all over again. I'm so mad at myself. I can't keep treating my body this way. It's screaming out for me to stop. Hopefully tomorrow I can do it. I need to find some CRON articles to read to get me really motivated. I can do it! I must do it! I'm tired of being fat and lethargic and feeling guilty all the time about what I eat. I'm tired of being obsessed with food.

As a side note, I thought of you today, April because I was on cafepress.com and I found a t-shirt that says "I'd rather be calculating nutritional needs". I know how much you love to do that!!!! Here's the link: http://www.cafepress.com/buy/nutrition/humor/-

Ugh...fell off the wagon

I have had a hard time yesterday and today. I was doing so well with CRON and I had lost weight. Then I went out with a male friend of mine (he's not a boyfriend, we're just really good friends) and he made a remark about how I seem to be getting "thicker". I know he didn't mean it in a bad way. He's not American and I don't think he quite understands how American women are about weight and body image. I was so embarrassed and I thought I was going to cry. I was so angry at him and so sad and depressed about my weight that I went out to the store and bought chocolate and raisins and cashews and had a binge. Oh, I had popcorn too. This morning I woke up with a headache and I was so depressed and I felt so fat. I got on the scale and yikes! 172! I was 167.4 before. This made me even more depressed. I told my mom about what my friend had said and she tried to encourage me, but I didn't feel like doing anything except eating, so I made a chocolate cake and got peanut butter soy ice cream and had that, then I made pasta and ate a big bowl of that. Now I am miserably stuffed and I feel like crap. I know in my head that food doesn't make me happy, but I can't seem to believe it sometimes. I was so much happier when I was doing well on CRON.

Well, I fell down, but I know I have to pick myself back up. This episode is not going to stop me and my friend is welcome to think I am the fattest person in the world and that's okay. It will not control me anymore. It doesn't matter what people think. They will see as I progress with CRON and become healthier and thinner and happier. As of this moment, I am back on the wagon and I will not allow depression and anger at myself to get me down and keep me off track. I am forgiving myself.

(body speaking to Brianna): "Brianna, I forgive you for what you did to me and I thank you that you are going to take such good care of me in the future by giving me optimally nutritious foods in the amounts I need (not the amounts I think I need, but the amounts I really need). It's okay that you took a break from CRON for two days. Thank you for getting back on track now because I LOVE it when you do CRON."

After all, life is too precious to waste it obsessing over food. I have too much important stuff to do to shorten my life by stuffing myself to death with crappy junk food. There is research and studying to do, there are people to help, there is a world to improve. I must be at my best to accomplish everything God put me here to do.

Okay, I feel better now. Best of wishes to all you CRONies out there and I hope you all are doing wonderful. Life is great, isn't it?

Today was a great day. The weather was perfect and I went rollerblading in the morning. In the afternoon I took a bike ride and washed my car.

It's really funny because I had my "splurge" last night -- the raw chocolate tart that I know was fattening, but when I weighed myself this morning I had LOST a half pound since yesterday. And I weighed myself after eating 1000 grams of watermelon, so I really lost more weight than that! Go figure. At least I didn't gain weight from eating a dessert!

So anyhow, here's what I ate today:
Breakfast: watermelon (1000 grams- 300 cals)
handful of raw nuts (almonds, hazelnuts, pecans, walnuts, cashews)
Lunch: big salad (sunflower sprouts, clover sprouts, lettuce, lentil sprouts, carrots, dulse, onions, 1/2 an avocado, olives, lemon/flax oil/olive oil dressing)
Snack: an apple
Dinner: sauteed veggies (onion, garlic, cauliflower, green beans, zucchini)
1 cup pinto beans

Random stuff (I can't think of a title)...

Well, I went out yesterday and got a kitchen scale so I could start measuring my food exactly. When I got home and opened the box, it was obvious that someone had returned it. I took it out and found that it was calibrated wrong. Instead of being set on zero, it was set on 3 1/2 pounds! So I have to return it. It really wasn't what I wanted anyhow. I want a digital scale instead of a cheap little thing from Walmart that's not even calibrated right.

I weighed myself this morning since I'm home for the weekend. I weigh 167.4, so I've lost 1.2 pounds in the past week and 2.6 pounds since starting CRON a week and half ago.

I don't know an exact calorie count for today because I'm going out tonight with my mom and some friends. We're going to a raw vegan restaurant. So far today, I've had:

Breakfast: watermelon (1000 grams-300 cals)
Lunch: an apple and a handful of mixed raw nuts (almonds, hazelnuts, cashew, pecan, walnuts)
Snack: 2 pears
Dinner (planned): flax crackers with guacamole and salsa
raw vegan dark chocolate tart

The dessert is my splurge for the week. I know it's going to be fattening, but that's okay. I only do it once in an rare while.

I ate my healthy oils!!!

I had some flax oil and olive oil on my salad tonight. I feel like my body is thanking me. I feel satisfied in a different kind of way. I can't explain it. So anyhow, here's what I had today:
Breakfast: 3 oranges and 2 Brazil nuts
Lunch: fresh fruit (1/2 cup cantaloupe, 1/2 cup honeydew, 1/2 cup pineapple, 1 cup grapes)
salad (2 cups spinach, 1/2 cup chickpeas)
Snack: an apple
Dinner: large salad (sunflower sprouts, clover sprouts, lentil sprouts, romaine, carrots, zucchini, cauliflower, broccoli, olives, onion, and dulse with lemon/flax oil/olive oil dressing) and 1/2 ear raw sweet corn
I have no idea how many calories this was because I didn't add it up today. I have been using Cron-o-Meter, but today I didn't use it because I ate dinner at our buffet at work and wasn't able to measure and because all the different kinds of sprouts aren't on Cron-o-Meter.

Another wonderful day!

Today was so beautiful. I live in West Palm Beach, FL, so just about every day is gorgeous here. It was so sunny and I was able to be outside a little bit.

CRON is going well. I'm still baffled at how I can be so full all the time when I'm only eating 1200 calories per day. 'Tis mystery to me. I guess it's good that I'm not starving all the time, but it's also a little frustrating because I have trouble even fitting in 1200 calories. If I only ate when I was hungry, I'd be much lower than 1200 calories, but I don't want to take this too fast. 1200 is low enough. I figured out that it's almost 40% CR. Gosh!!! Why am I not hungry? I know I have to be burning more than 1200 calories per day.

So stuffed!

Gosh! I'm just so stuffed, even though I'm only eating 1200 cals/day. I didn't even quite make it to 1200 today. I think it's all the fiber. I just don't get hungry. It's amazing. I actually wish I would get more hungry. I didn't do as well today with my vitamins and minerals as I did over the weekend because I'm back at school and I'm not able to do my own cooking. Basically, I eat from the cafeteria or eat raw fruits and veggies in my room. The hardest for me is vitamin E. I can never seem to get enough of it. I'm probably not eating enough fat. Well, I'll keep on playing with it and experimenting!

I told my mom about CRON this weekend. I wasn't going to tell her. I was going to wait and see if she would notice, but I was so excited I couldn't help it. She was actually really interested and wanted me to show her some articles on it. I also downloaded Cron-o-Meter on her computer.

Doing Great!

Everything is going well and I'm so proud of myself because I've gotten my calorie intake up to around 1200/day. I'm also getting my vitamin and mineral levels almost up to optimal, which excites me. I'm really surprised that I haven't been losing weight really fast because usually when I start "being good", even when I wasn't doing CRON, I would lose about five pounds in the first week. But I guess it's good that I'm not losing weight really fast because then I wouldn't get the life extension benefits that I want to get.

It's sort of hard doing CRON at school because I'm a vegan and I also can't have gluten. Basically the only thing I can eat in the cafeteria is the salad bar and I won't eat any salad dressing because they all have so many calories! So I basically eat dry salad with some beans and fruit when I'm at school and it's often hard for me to fit in enough calories.