I have had a hard time yesterday and today. I was doing so well with CRON and I had lost weight. Then I went out with a male friend of mine (he's not a boyfriend, we're just really good friends) and he made a remark about how I seem to be getting "thicker". I know he didn't mean it in a bad way. He's not American and I don't think he quite understands how American women are about weight and body image. I was so embarrassed and I thought I was going to cry. I was so angry at him and so sad and depressed about my weight that I went out to the store and bought chocolate and raisins and cashews and had a binge. Oh, I had popcorn too. This morning I woke up with a headache and I was so depressed and I felt so fat. I got on the scale and yikes! 172! I was 167.4 before. This made me even more depressed. I told my mom about what my friend had said and she tried to encourage me, but I didn't feel like doing anything except eating, so I made a chocolate cake and got peanut butter soy ice cream and had that, then I made pasta and ate a big bowl of that. Now I am miserably stuffed and I feel like crap. I know in my head that food doesn't make me happy, but I can't seem to believe it sometimes. I was so much happier when I was doing well on CRON.
Well, I fell down, but I know I have to pick myself back up. This episode is not going to stop me and my friend is welcome to think I am the fattest person in the world and that's okay. It will not control me anymore. It doesn't matter what people think. They will see as I progress with CRON and become healthier and thinner and happier. As of this moment, I am back on the wagon and I will not allow depression and anger at myself to get me down and keep me off track. I am forgiving myself.
(body speaking to Brianna): "Brianna, I forgive you for what you did to me and I thank you that you are going to take such good care of me in the future by giving me optimally nutritious foods in the amounts I need (not the amounts I think I need, but the amounts I really need). It's okay that you took a break from CRON for two days. Thank you for getting back on track now because I LOVE it when you do CRON."
After all, life is too precious to waste it obsessing over food. I have too much important stuff to do to shorten my life by stuffing myself to death with crappy junk food. There is research and studying to do, there are people to help, there is a world to improve. I must be at my best to accomplish everything God put me here to do.
Okay, I feel better now. Best of wishes to all you CRONies out there and I hope you all are doing wonderful. Life is great, isn't it?
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4 comments:
That's the great thing about life, you get a new day to start over every morning. Or a new meal to start over every few hours. Why wait for a fresh start?
I would bet most of that weight is just the water that comes with the carbs...the pasta, etc. It'll go away.
Illiah is totally right; the new weight will be gone in days. Your binge is nothing that most people doing CRON haven't done at least once; it seems to be a rite of passage. :-) I've been finding the last few holiday days difficult too and I am going to give you the encouragement that others have given me - stick with it!
Thanks guys. You make me feel better!
You're good Brianna. Stick to your plan, one day will not hurt you in the long run. Sorry it was so painful. You'll learn from it and move on.
Today is a new, more beautiful day than yesterday!
enjoy!
D
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