I've been having a hard time since I got off track on Monday. I keep resolving to do well, then I seem to give up and say, "Oh, I'll start back on tomorrow. Just one more day." All I've been wanting to do is eat junk food. I'm so frustrated about it. Part of the problem is that I'm a perfectionist and I'm an all-or-nothing person. So what happens is that if I eat something that I consider to be less than ideal, even if it's not a huge deal, then I tend to get all discouraged and totally give up. For example, today I ate salad dressing on my salad at lunch and I felt like I failed because the salad dressing was sugary and fattening. So I thought to myself, "Well, I already failed today, so I guess I might as well go ahead and eat whatever I want the rest of the day." So I end up eating more than I need when if I had just gotten over the salad dressing and been good, I would have still stayed within my calorie limits in spite of the salad dressing. I don't know why I have to be so all-or-nothing. I hate it. I hate the way I feel physically when I'm being so bad and I love the way I feel when I'm doing CRON. I love that light, thin feeling. I'm so much happier when I'm doing CRON and I know that food does not make me happy, but when I let myself indulge once, then I get the taste of sugar and bad food back on my tongue and it's an addictive thing. I get to where I HAVE to have it and I get so desperate. Then after I eat it, I'm so mad at myself and I resolve that I must fast the next day, then the next day comes and I don't feel like fasting anymore, so I eat. Then I feel guilty for eating because I was supposed to fast and I feel like I blew it, so the cycle starts all over again. I'm so mad at myself. I can't keep treating my body this way. It's screaming out for me to stop. Hopefully tomorrow I can do it. I need to find some CRON articles to read to get me really motivated. I can do it! I must do it! I'm tired of being fat and lethargic and feeling guilty all the time about what I eat. I'm tired of being obsessed with food.
As a side note, I thought of you today, April because I was on cafepress.com and I found a t-shirt that says "I'd rather be calculating nutritional needs". I know how much you love to do that!!!! Here's the link: http://www.cafepress.com/buy/nutrition/humor/-
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5 comments:
Brianna,
A few words if you don't mind.
PLEASE forget fasting..you're using it as a punishment and it doesn't work at all. Think consistency and planning. Think of your averages. 80% good food, 20% not so good is always better than a total binge-out. Even 50-50 at this point is a place to start. Truly, take it one day at a time, one meal at a time if you have to. Sugar is addictive and it's pretty easy to fall into a pattern. Some will-power will help you through your first day and a little reward, like a gold star, a line on your blog that says 'I did it!'..will go a long way to helping you overcome these feelings. Fasting will not do that..it's a binge/fast cycle that is totally unhealthy and sets you up for a fall. Write your lists of pro and cons..plan your day..walk away literally, change directions if you must to move away from bad food choices. Come up with a plan of action of what to do when you feel the munchy urge..eat well and nutritious all morning, get some protein to help with hunger and blood sugar support..whey, hemp & soy protein with bananas in the morning is a great start. The watermelon is pure sugar and water I hate to say i it, as lovely as it is..it digests in minutes and leaves you on a sugar high then a blood sugar drop which will send you searching. you can do this..put your beautiful head into the mix and come up with a plan. I have faith in you!!!
Deborah
Thanks so much for the encouragement, Deborah. I really appreciate it. I read an article tonight on CRON and that inspires me to get back into it. I think I need to keep on blogging and keep on reading articles to keep myself excited and motivated. Thanks for taking the time to give me some feedback.
I just love the T-Shirts on that site. I think P needs the Broccoli Intolerant one. :-)
Deborah's advice is spot on, as per. Don't give up! You will stop craving the sugar and the junk and sooner than you think, really. :-) I am a complete perfectionist too, so I can understand the frustration - we all can.
Great t-shirt!
I totally agree with Deborah. The fast/binge cycle is not CR. It doesn't work, it doesn't work for CR, it doesn't work for weight loss, it doesn't make anyone happy, and it needs to stop. Please don't do it.
Gotta run, but will be thinking of you!
a
Hi Brianna
That T-shirt, and various others, is great. Funny that it is only offered for women. They should offer it for guys too.
Cheers,
Arturo
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